14 weeks until surgery...
I'd like to talk about something that is tough for me. I want anyone reading this who suffers from mental or physical illnesses to know you are not alone and I understand your pain.
Being "sick" weighs on you and your loved ones. It's especially difficult when you have an invisible illness. If you break your leg, you will get a cast or a boot and everyone can see your injury. When you have an invisible illness, people may not know you are ill and attribute your behavior to something else. They may also accuse you of making it up or change the subject quickly when you bring it up because they just can't empathize with you. I've experienced a lot of this in my 10+ years of being ill.
It hurts double when it's a loved one who can't empathize with you. A friend in the TMJ surgical support group told me, "You have to remember your husband [and family] are going through this too. They don't share your physical pain but this is a struggle for them too." My husband, for example, doesn't share my pain and may find it difficult sometimes to understand me, but he is there worrying for me, worrying for our family, stressing over money and times taken off work to get me the treatment I need. It wears on both of us. There is so much stress involved in illness. It's also hard not to feel guilt for the things you are putting your family through. It's not your fault, of course, but everyone is stressed regardless. Everyone is worrying if this next treatment is going to work, how you will pay the next medical bill, how long you will be out of work, if you're able to take care of your child today, can you trust this doctor, etc. The list of worries go on and on. It can lead to arguments, guilt, and depression.
I've gone through my fair share of depression. I've blamed myself for how much money and time I'm costing my family. I hate causing worry and stress in the ones I love. It's a tough burden to carry but you have to know there are others who share this load with you. And all you can really do is give this load up to God. Fighting, stressing, worrying...it's not doing anyone any good. You have to fully accept this is your life and stop yearning for a life you don't have. You must trust in God that you are on the right path. We all suffer in our lives, but that's how you recognize the good in life. Nobody has a perfect life and there is always someone suffering more than you. You've been given this burden to carry for a reason, and you've got to make the best life you can out of what you were given. Trust and faith are essential in making it through this.
I was depressed for a long time about the course of my life and oh, so much guilt! Why do I have to be in pain so often? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to be such a burden to others? You know where that thinking got me? Depressed, lonely, and wallowing in self pity, which only made me reject my treatments because surely nothing would ever work. Maybe this surgery won't work. Maybe I will be like this the rest of my life. Well...if I am, shouldn't I enjoy every moment of life I can that's pain free? If nothing changes then I have two options: give up or live life to the fullest. I want to be happy so I'm choosing to be happy. It does no good to focus on the negatives. That doesn't mean I'm blind to the woes in my life, but I have been given so many gifts such as a caring husband and my sweet baby boy. I am so blessed.
I have faith though that God has led me to the right doctors and that he wants me to get well. But I also think I was given this burden because God knows I can handle it and because he wants me or someone else to learn something from this. Maybe it was to teach me to have Faith, because until I got on board with God's plan, I was just spinning in circles. Or maybe it's to teach my husband or my child or my parents to have empathy or to see family as their first priority...who knows but God? I believe this was my cross to bear and it has truly shown me how beautiful life and love can be.
My main message to someone else going through this is to remember you are not alone. Lean on others but know you must help yourself. See the big picture of your illness...accept it, bear it, and realize it's not just YOUR illness...it belongs also to your significant other (so give him a pass from time to time when he's reached his limit) and your others loved ones. Surround yourself in support. Join a FB group of others who are going through what you are going through. Let the snide comments and accusations about your "fake" illness roll off your back. You don't have to PROVE you are sick to anyone! Live those good days to the limit. And finally, never give up on yourself and your family won't either. If you don't fight for yourself, no one will.
It took me a while, but I dug myself out of that hole and I refuse to go back in. If this surgery doesn't work, of course I'll be devastated, but I'll just move on to the next treatment option.
Thanks for reading!
I'd like to talk about something that is tough for me. I want anyone reading this who suffers from mental or physical illnesses to know you are not alone and I understand your pain.
Being "sick" weighs on you and your loved ones. It's especially difficult when you have an invisible illness. If you break your leg, you will get a cast or a boot and everyone can see your injury. When you have an invisible illness, people may not know you are ill and attribute your behavior to something else. They may also accuse you of making it up or change the subject quickly when you bring it up because they just can't empathize with you. I've experienced a lot of this in my 10+ years of being ill.
It hurts double when it's a loved one who can't empathize with you. A friend in the TMJ surgical support group told me, "You have to remember your husband [and family] are going through this too. They don't share your physical pain but this is a struggle for them too." My husband, for example, doesn't share my pain and may find it difficult sometimes to understand me, but he is there worrying for me, worrying for our family, stressing over money and times taken off work to get me the treatment I need. It wears on both of us. There is so much stress involved in illness. It's also hard not to feel guilt for the things you are putting your family through. It's not your fault, of course, but everyone is stressed regardless. Everyone is worrying if this next treatment is going to work, how you will pay the next medical bill, how long you will be out of work, if you're able to take care of your child today, can you trust this doctor, etc. The list of worries go on and on. It can lead to arguments, guilt, and depression.
I've gone through my fair share of depression. I've blamed myself for how much money and time I'm costing my family. I hate causing worry and stress in the ones I love. It's a tough burden to carry but you have to know there are others who share this load with you. And all you can really do is give this load up to God. Fighting, stressing, worrying...it's not doing anyone any good. You have to fully accept this is your life and stop yearning for a life you don't have. You must trust in God that you are on the right path. We all suffer in our lives, but that's how you recognize the good in life. Nobody has a perfect life and there is always someone suffering more than you. You've been given this burden to carry for a reason, and you've got to make the best life you can out of what you were given. Trust and faith are essential in making it through this.
I was depressed for a long time about the course of my life and oh, so much guilt! Why do I have to be in pain so often? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to be such a burden to others? You know where that thinking got me? Depressed, lonely, and wallowing in self pity, which only made me reject my treatments because surely nothing would ever work. Maybe this surgery won't work. Maybe I will be like this the rest of my life. Well...if I am, shouldn't I enjoy every moment of life I can that's pain free? If nothing changes then I have two options: give up or live life to the fullest. I want to be happy so I'm choosing to be happy. It does no good to focus on the negatives. That doesn't mean I'm blind to the woes in my life, but I have been given so many gifts such as a caring husband and my sweet baby boy. I am so blessed.
I have faith though that God has led me to the right doctors and that he wants me to get well. But I also think I was given this burden because God knows I can handle it and because he wants me or someone else to learn something from this. Maybe it was to teach me to have Faith, because until I got on board with God's plan, I was just spinning in circles. Or maybe it's to teach my husband or my child or my parents to have empathy or to see family as their first priority...who knows but God? I believe this was my cross to bear and it has truly shown me how beautiful life and love can be.
My main message to someone else going through this is to remember you are not alone. Lean on others but know you must help yourself. See the big picture of your illness...accept it, bear it, and realize it's not just YOUR illness...it belongs also to your significant other (so give him a pass from time to time when he's reached his limit) and your others loved ones. Surround yourself in support. Join a FB group of others who are going through what you are going through. Let the snide comments and accusations about your "fake" illness roll off your back. You don't have to PROVE you are sick to anyone! Live those good days to the limit. And finally, never give up on yourself and your family won't either. If you don't fight for yourself, no one will.
It took me a while, but I dug myself out of that hole and I refuse to go back in. If this surgery doesn't work, of course I'll be devastated, but I'll just move on to the next treatment option.
Thanks for reading!
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